He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
