3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize