Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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