Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
