At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
