I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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