Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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