A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
