how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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