Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
