I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
