my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
