at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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