lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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