Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
