the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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