I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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