his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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