I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't deserve a penis
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
