All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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