U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
