and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
