She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
