Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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