I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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