I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize