Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
