there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
