uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
