found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
