dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
