he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
