david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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