Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
