Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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