We got so high we made milksteak
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
