Tell her she can't have a vagina
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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