Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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