I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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