I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
