he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
