Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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