new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
