Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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