Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
