i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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