I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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