i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
