the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You ruined the universe
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
