guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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