like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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