why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
