Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
