i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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