and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
