who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
