Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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