Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize