youre lurking in front of me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
