dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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