All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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