i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I cockslap morals
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
