so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
