apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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