Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize