Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize