Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
