Got a toothbrush?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize