I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
