It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What drink are we having for lunch?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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