Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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