She announced her abortion via fbk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
