I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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