You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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