I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
