I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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