You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize