And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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