we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
