i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
