This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
