so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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