I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
