she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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