let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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