Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
