My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
