what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
