how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize