It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
