His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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