Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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