found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
