I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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