her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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