Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
