Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
