You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
