Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize