"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
