just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
