i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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