my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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