he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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